When my business partner Adrian Gostick and I coach executives, we usually work with leaders on a steep career trajectory. These women and men have been given challenging assignments and have been promoted for their superior results. By every measure, they are superstars and have been rewarded with titles, stock options, and more.
Then why are so many not as happy as you might expect?
When we start working with these high achievers, many of them they admit they measure themselves against others. There is always someone who is doing a little better, who is handed more plum assignments, who has the ear of the CEO, who has a more commanding ‘executive presence.’ And by the measure where they believe they fall short, deep inside they consider themselves a failure. Ugh!
The age-old wisdom attributed to Theodore Roosevelt is truer today than ever: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparing ourselves to others is one of the most destructive habits of self-talk. It makes us believe that if we aren’t the very best in every category then we are not good enough. It is so sad and incredibly destructive.
Maybe you have fallen into this trap yourself, or you are leading or coaching someone who believes this about themselves?
Is there a cure? Actually there is no cure, but there is a treatment. It requires constant diligence. The treatment is an attitude adjustment to create new, more positive synaptic highways in our brains.
Here are a few of the rituals I recommend to the good people I coach:
#1 Stop looking at the rankings. Instead of worrying about how others are doing, stay in your lane and focus on your unique strengths. Work on the development areas you believe will help you grow and feel proud of what you bring to the world. Be happy for the successes of peers. Unless your name is Taylor Swift or Lionel Messi, there is always going to be someone doing a little better than you, so stop looking at the scoreboard.
#2 Take time every day to count your blessings. If you are reading this, odds are you are doing better than 99 percent of the rest of the world. You are probably well fed, live in a comfortable home, enjoy a good degree of personal safety. Much of the world doesn’t have many of these things we take for granted. Take a moment at the end of every day to count your blessings for your work achievements, your friends, your family, and for other blessings you have around you. As you remind yourself of how lucky you are, you will feel happier and more successful.
#3 Enjoy the journey. Many leaders are so focused on the destination that they forget to look up and enjoy the amazing things happening around them. And they forget to shut off now and then and spend quality time with family and friends. As busy professionals, too many don’t get enough sleep and don’t use vacation time to recharge and renew. Enjoy the journey by: A) Practice mindfulness—focusing on the small joys in life, B) look for the positive in every situation, and C) applaud your progress as you take each step forward.
If you are getting caught up in the comparison trap and it’s stealing your joy, try a few of these ideas and see if it doesn’t bring a back a little of the joy you have been missing.
Today is as good a day as any to get started. Begin with a little gratitude to break the cycle. Consider for a moment a few of the good people who lift you up. Let one or two of them know how much they mean to you. Text them, or add a glowing note to their preferred social media channel, or send them handwritten letter, or give them a phone call, or drop by and say hi. It will be good for them and great for you!
If you find yourself in the comparison trap, don’t despair. Most of us have been guilty of it at some point in our careers. It isn’t any fun. Together, let’s make a commitment to enjoy the journey and stop comparing ourselves to anyone else.
About Chester Elton
I help CEOs transform corporate culture | 20+ years experience | 500+ leaders coached | Keynote Speaker | Ready to improve your company culture? For business inquiries, [email protected]. Connect with Chester Elton at LinkedIn.
Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick
We help extraordinary leaders transform corporate culture | 500+ leaders coached | Keynote Speaker | For business inquiries, [email protected]. Follow The Gratitude Journal on LinkedIn.
